


Ocean man, take me by the hand

by BlueCatBlues



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, fluff?, kanata shows up in chapter 2 the first chapter is just kaoru's sexuality crisis, this is like 80 percent self-indulgence and 20 percent me missing kaokana, title is memey but the fic is serious i promise, vague attempts at character study, wise gay mentor rei
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:34:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29580333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueCatBlues/pseuds/BlueCatBlues
Summary: Because Kaoru has always been fond of the ocean, and nothing examplifies it quite as much as the tide that is Kanata Shinkai.Or Kaoru has a revelation or two, Rei is nothing if not patient and Kanata's eyes are just the right shade of turquoise to make you question your sexuality.
Relationships: Hakaze Kaoru & Sakuma Rei, Hakaze Kaoru/Shinkai Kanata
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

Kaoru Hakaze thought that he knew himself quite well. He knew he was charming, if all the dates he went to throughout his high school years were any indication. He knew that he could barely show up to practice and still perform all of Rei's convoluted dance routines and most importantly, that he was  _ straight _ . 

But now that everything that he knew was seemingly changing, he was starting to wonder if he really knew himself as well as he claimed he did. He hadn't been on dates for a good couple of months, and he hadn't even tried hitting on a girl despite UNDEAD's ever growing popularity. Even his supposed crush on Anzu was seemingly withering away, and he couldn’t even bring himself to slip into his usual flirty persona around her. 

Kaoru even took practice more seriously. He was past the point of being insecure about simply being in the same practice room as men, and besides, regardless of his insecurities, he cared about his unit too much to not give it his all after all the chaos that his team has been through. 

So, in retrospect, maybe he didn't know himself quite as well as he thought he did. It's not like he feels like he's a different person or anything, he's still the same Kaoru, just a slightly more confident version of himself. 

Hanging out with men no longer scares him. Which was fine, good for him, most idols he hung out with were men anyways, so it's a good thing that he's grown more comfortable with their general presence. 

What  _ isn't _ so good though is the weird feelings he gets around guys. Objectively speaking, it isn't gay to appreciace a good looking guy. They're idols, being attractive is kind of in the job description, so Kaoru could totally just be a straight guy who just vaguely admires the way other guys look. 

Although straight men probably don't have embarrassingly romantic dreams featuring their very platonic friend that involve kissing. And they also probably don't look forward to meeting that friend with a lovesick grin on their face. Or think about how soft and nice his lips look, or how pretty said friend's eyes are, or-

" Fufu~ Is Kaoru-kun early for practice? It makes this poor old man's heart happy to see you take practice so seriously~♪ "

Rei's loud voice was enough to break Kaoru out of whatever sexuality crisis induced trance he was in. He also didn't appreciate the implication that him being early was some sort of rare accomplishment. 

" C'mon Rei-kun, it's been a while since I've skipped practice. I'm totally serious about cleaning up my act, you know~ " 

" Hm, I suppose that is true, and yet I cannot help but feel as though you didn't come here to idly wait around. Is something bothering you, Kaoru-kun? I'm always willing to lend an ear, you know~ "

Curse vampires and their damn perceptiveness. " Uhm, I'm not really sure what you mean though? I'm totally fine, Rei-kun, nothing to worry about~ ".

" Kaoru-kun. "

There really was no getting out of this, was there? " Y-yeah? "

" I'm serious, you  _ are _ free to share your worries with me. Of course, if it is a sensitive matter, then I will not bother you any further, but I'd like to think of us as close enough for you to feel comfortable talking to me at least. "

" ...Rei-kun, how did you know you liked guys? " 

Oh god, he hadn't meant to say that loud. He'd laugh at how caught off guard Rei looked if his callosal mess up wasn't the reason behind it. He probably looked even more shocked than Rei. " I-I'm sorry! I just blurted it out! You're probably straight anyway. J-Just forget I said anything. "

" ...There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Kaoru-kun, I was simply caught off guard. I'm not sure if this will make you feel any better, but I was somewhat anticipating this conversation to happen. Although I cannot say that I was expecting it to happen quite so soon. "

" Y-You w-what?! ". Was he that obvious? Did anyone besides Rei know? It's not like he was the walking stereotype of someone deeply insecure about their sexuality or anything. 

" Kaoru-kun, relax, it is alright, there is no judgement here. And it’s not as if your assumptions about me are wrong, so you do not have to feel embarrassed. I'm not sure I can be of much help to you, I'm assuming 'I simply knew ' will not suffice for an answer. "

" It's just… for how long have you known? About me, I mean. Just… tell me before I start freaking out again. " 

" I don't think you'll like the answer too much. " 

" Just tell me. "

" ...I may have known since we met. "

Since they met?! That was years ago at this point, and besides, how could Rei just… know? Did he fit into some sort of gay box that he was unaware of? 

" Kaoru-kun, you're overthinking again. "

" Do you expect me not to? "

" No, I assume your reaction is to be expected. Maybe I should have been more gentle with my approach, I suppose I'm used to these topics being approached a tad more casually. If you want me to be truly honest, you hadn't done anything flamboyant or whatever else you're assuming. " 

" Then how did you know? And don't say you just ' did ', I must have done  _ something _ . " 

Rei went quiet. Which was a rarity. It was hard to get him to stop going on tangents usually, so having the vampire stop talking was unsettling to say the least.

" I suppose there is no treading this lightly. To put it simply you… ' checked me out ' as the youth would say, quite frequently upon our meeting. It's not as if that's enough to assume anything, but your general behavior, mixed with how… flustered you'd get around men, and how vocally you'd protest any implications of you being anything but heterosexual… Well, it wasn’t hard to put the puzzle pieces together. "

Was he really so… transparent? It had taken him years to come to terms with  _ questioning _ himself, so to think that everyone but him had seemingly already known was… uncomfortable. Rei probably wasn't the only person to know, his classmates had also probably figured it out. Did  _ everyone _ know? Did… Kanata know? 

" Kaoru-kun, are you alright? I wasn't trying to push all of this onto you, it's been awhile since I've had this sort of conversation. I hope this isn't too much to ask, but has anything brought this conversation on? You asked me impulsively, so I assume this topic has been on your mind. " 

When Kaoru first arrived to the practice room, he hadn't expected to have his unit leader act like his wise gay mentor. Well, that was Rei's usual aesthetic anyways, so maybe it wasn’t too shocking. It was still a lot to process, but if Rei was already aware of his… issue, so it's not like he had anything to lose by indulging any further information. 

" Y-Yeah, you're right. Uhm, I know you told me to tone down the romance, but I… think I have a crush? "

" You're this distraught over having a crush? "

" Not all of us are gay sex magnets, Rei-kun, and besides, you knew I wasn't serious about anyone back then. "

" So you’re serious about this man? My, I'm shocked~. To think I'd see you grow out of your frivolous ways, I'm proud~♪ Besides, you have my trust and approval, I do sincerely believe that you'll be sensible with the rumors may they arise. "

" Well… thanks, it's not like I'm actually dating anyone though, you know? I'm barely holding myself together just  _ talking _ about gay stuff with you, so I don’t know if I can actually handle asking him out. " 

Or could he? He also didn't think that he'd ever  _ talk _ about his struggles out loud. Most of his gay musings were done under his blankets at home while he cried himself to sleep. Even if he was better about it now, it was hard to not have his dad's words ring in his ear. In a way, it was nice to have someone to talk about this stuff with. He was already relatively calm from the revelation that everyone has been following his identity crisis for years now. 

So if he could talk about his sexuality with someone now, maybe he'd be able to act upon said sexuality sooner or later. Whatever it was. He was still figuring that part out. 

" Well, whatever you choose to do, I shall be here to support you, both as your unit leader and as a friend. And as pleasant as this chat was, Wanko and Adonis-kun will arrive shortly. We did arrive to practice, after all. " 

" Yeah… you're right. Um, thank you, Rei-kun. Really. "

Rei gave him his usual tired smile, and Kaoru found himself smiling back. Even with just Rei rooting for him, his chances suddenly didn't look so bleak. 

" Oh, and Kaoru-kun? "

" Yeah? "

" Tell Shinkai-kun I said hi when you meet him~♪ "

…Of course he already knew. Damn vampires and their perceptiveness indeed. 


	2. Chapter 2

Inviting Kanata to hang out was the easy part. Miraculously, Kanata's phone hadn't yet been damaged by the boy's usual water-related escapades, and so it didn't take long for Kaoru to set a meeting time and place. 

He chose the beach, because it felt right, in a way. After all, the sea had been a witness to his life, whether it be his highs or his lows. Even if everything were to fail and Kanata comes to hate him, it still feels fitting to have his heart be broken to the tune of the ever-changing tides.

He had come early to mentally prepare himself, but with each passing second, dread was starting to take over his senses. Objectively, Kaoru knew Kanata was kind. Despite the other claiming to be some sort of monster, it was hard to take the claim seriously considering how… nice, he was. 

Even if their friendship started on the grounds of loneliness with the only thing they had in common being their mutual admiration for the ocean, Kanata was still someone who has always been incredibly understanding, an anchor to the storm that is Kaoru's mind. 

So Kaoru knows that Kanata won't hate him if his confession was to go unrequited, but it's nearly impossible to think rationally when it feels as though he's spent years avoiding this exact moment. 

" Kaoru, are you ' alright ' ? " 

Kaoru turned around to be met with Kanata's concerned stare. ' Alright ' was not the word he'd use to describe his current turmoil, but he really didn’t want to make Kanata worry about him. " Y-Yeah, I'm… fine. " 

Kanata didn't look convinced. " Kaoru… " 

" Sorry, I just… I kinda asked you to come here for a reason? It's uh, not anything bad. Rei-kun said hi, by the way. It's… um, sorry, I need to gather my thoughts first. " 

How is it that he could go on the longest tangents inside his head and yet when the moment to actually speak came he found himself completely at a loss as to how to form a simple sentence?

Kaoru felt his breath hitch as Kanata stepped closer and placed his hand on top of Kaoru's. " Kaoru, it is ' alright ', take all the ' time ' that you ' need '. " 

Somehow, it was Kanata's gentle tone that made his mind go blank. Instead of agonizing over what to say, Kaoru impulsively took a step forward and leaned in to close the distance between them. 

It's not as if he was expecting fireworks, because it was unfair to compare Kanata to them. Kissing Kanata felt like the ocean instead, as cliche as that was. A calm ocean on a quiet day, without any of its usual tides and waves, welcoming him and engulfing him in its calming presence.

His hand reached to brush Kanata's bangs, and oh, his hair was just as soft as it looked. He briefly hesitated before cupping Kanata's cheeks, trying to deepen the kiss.

Kanata hummed happily against him, and Kaoru felt his heart flutter. He expected himself to be freaking out internally, and yet he simply... wasn't. It just felt natural, like most things with Kanata did. And it was the simplicity of it all, the lack of fireworks that was setting his fire ablaze the most. 

It was easier to dive in for the second kiss after the first one, and then go for another one, and another one, and to keep kissing until both of them were breathless and any lingering doubts Kaoru had about his sexuality were gone. 

" Kanata-kun… I-I um, sorry, I should have asked before doing that. " 

" Kaoru, it is ' alright ', I've been ' waiting ' for this for quite some ' time ', you know? " 

" Y-yeah? ".

So even Kanata knew. There really wasn't anyone who wasn't aware, was there? But instead of the panic he had before, he felt… oddly happy. It was comforting, in a way, to know that Kanata had also been pining for him, and that he hadn't imagined the romantic tension behind their interactions. 

" Kaoru, you tend to ' get ' inside your head a ' lot '. You shouldn't ' think ' about everything so much. " 

" S-sorry, I wasn't trying to ignore you, it's just kind of hard to not overthink everything? But I'm… really happy right now. I promise I was only thinking about good things. " 

Kanata simply hummed in response and proceeded to rest his head on Kaoru's chest. It really shouldn’t have made his heart beat as hard as it did, especially considering their impromptu make out session earlier, and considering the small smug smile gracing Kanata's face, he could probably hear how much this was all affecting Kaoru. 

" Kanata-kun… "

" Yes? "

" You can’t just… cuddle with me, I'm still totally new to this, you know~? "

In response, Kanata just snuggled closer, before planting himself fully onto Kaoru's lap. Kaoru was pretty sure his heart had nearly stopped breathing at that. 

" You're… really going to make dating you difficult, huh? " 

" And why does Kaoru ' think ' that I will ' date ' him. Maybe I'm a ' bad boy ' after all~. "

" Kanata-kun, you're practically throwing yourself at me. I think my chances are pretty good~ ". 

It was unusual for Kaoru's insecurities to not linger in his mind, but he somehow felt completely confident. It felt a lot easier to actually deal with anything boy related once you spent the past few minutes kissing a boy, it seems. 

It's not like his doubts were completely gone, and he knew that he'll probably spend the next few anxiously neat picking everything he could have done better during the encounter. 

" Kaoru is ' thinking ' too hard again. "

" I can't really help it, sorry~ I'll try not to, I promise. " 

" Hm. " Kanata hummed, and Kaoru was immediately suspicious once he saw his mischievous smile. " Maybe I need to ' distract ' Kaoru then, so he can't ' think ' of anything ' else ' anymore? "

And with that, Kanata's lips were upon his again, and Kaoru was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to form a coherent thought even if he tried to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still trying to get the hang of writing for enstars and in writing in general, so hopefully this wasn't too ooc. Thanks for reading.


End file.
